Improve Your Married Sex Life

There are many facets to a healthy marriage. If yours works well, odds are you’ve mastered many of the basic skills it takes to keep a successful relationship going. You probably communicate well with your spouse, the division of household labor is comfortable, and you may have even negotiated the raising of children together. But what can you do is the worst part of your marriage is what happens in the bedroom?

First of all, you have to talk about it. The prospect of it can be terrifying, but stop to think about the things you have tried to do. It’s possible you’ve ignored the problem and tried dropping hints, and yet you are still unsatisfied. You need to do something different, and if you aren’t talking about it, then talk about it!

In discussing your concerns about your sex life, you need to be honest and direct. You also need to avoid making accusing statements. These two things may seem to be at odds with each other, but they really aren’t. In many previous articles we have discussed the use of “I” statements, and the same rule applies here. Saying “You never satisfy me in the bedroom” is harsh for a number of reasons, but primarily because it is both accusing and vague. However, stating “I often feel unsatisfied in the bedroom because I think I need you to touch my clit more” is much better. Granted, you may also feel awkward talking to your husband about your clit, but you have given him your view of the issue and you have offered a specific critique. Instead of feeling hurt and defensive, he’ll probably want to know what he can do during sex to help stimulate your clitoris.

It helps if you can pinpoint your specific concerns before the talk. Maybe you don’t know right away that your clit needs to be touched more. That’s okay! Before you talk, think about the problems you’re having. Are you not reaching orgasm? If not, why not? Think about what you might do on your own that makes you feel good. Being prepared to offer specifics to your spouse helps to ease confusion and frustration, which are both very unsexy feelings.

Sometimes these changes to your sex life can be minor. They can also become major undertakings. Either way, be supportive of your spouse’s efforts. You’ve talked to your wife and told her that having your butt squeezed during sex is a real turnoff, but if she’s become used to doing it, it will be a hard habit to break. You want to reward baby steps. Say she grabs something else during sex. Maybe she holds on to your shoulders or back when you know she would normally place her hands lower. Make sure she knows how much you like that. If she does grab you, try and redirect her hands elsewhere. Even if she just grabs and squeezes your ass slightly less than normal, let her know you noticed once you’re done and cuddled up. Be sure this praise extends beyond the bedroom. Make sure she knows that you love her, and praise the other strengths of your relationship. This helps both of you feel good and secure.

Sometimes there are problems that are hard to overcome alone. If you don’t feel any improvement over a period of months, don’t be afraid to seek help from a sex therapist or other medical professional. They can help you get to the root of the matter, improve your sex life, and keep your entire marriage healthy and happy.

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