Spreading The Word About Adult Toys

“Here, touch my penis!” I wave the mocha-colored phallus at my friend, who takes a horrified half-step away from the waggling toy.

Being a very sex-positive person makes for some interesting conversations with friends who are less than comfortable with the topic at hand. Lately, the “topic at hand” has been adult toys. I do spend a good deal of my time researching and writing about them, and like most people who love their work, I end up bringing it home with me. Not literally, of course. Okay, sometimes literally.

My roommate is often the target of my enthusiasm. I am always eager to share new discoveries.

“Yeah, that sure is a penis,” she replied, hesitantly touching it. “Ew.”

I suppose not everyone has my attention to detail. Dildos come in a greater variety than I ever could have imagined. The same can be said for all sex toys. If you’ve got and itch to scratch, there’s a toy out there to reach it.

“No really, look at this,” I tell my her. “Look at how realistic this is. It has a pronounced head, veins in the shaft, a natural skin tone…it even has balls!” The look on her face tells me she doesn’t share my excitement about testicles, but that’s okay. She doesn’t need to.

You can get them without balls, you know. And without veins, or a head, or a realistic skin color. Some people enjoy the realism, others don’t. For those who don’t you can find a realistic shape in an outrageous color. Offerings range from bright pink to midnight black, and the materials used to make them feel almost exactly like the real thing. For some people that’s still too close. Figuring this might be the case for my friend, I drag her to the computer to show her the range of glass dildos online.

“See, this are much less phallic. You could leave them out on your dresser and no one would think anything of it,” I tell her as I scroll through the options. I point out one that looks like a rosebud, and another that looks like a tentacle.

“I still don’t think I’d want my mother to see those.”

“Alright. Let’s look at vibrators!”

Vibrators have become the real chameleons of the sex toy world. No longer are we limited to choosing between the long phallic type or a back massager. As I begin to show her the options, I can see the confusion in her eyes.

“That’s a rock. And that’s lipstick.”

“I know, isn’t it great?” I click on them to bring up the product pages, proving to her these innocent looking items really are vibrators.

“Well, if I had one of those I guess it wouldn’t matter if someone saw it,” she concedes. I sit back in my chair, feeling momentarily triumphant.

“But why do we need pretty sex toys?” Oh well. There went my moment.

“Why not? I mean, if you like the same old thing that’s fine. But today is all about variety. Any size and shape you want, you can find. You want a vibrator that’s going to shake the walls? It’s there. You want one that’s waterproof and looks like a rubber duck? It’s there too. You can get those any anything in between. It’s a great time for masturbation.”

She shook her head as she walked away from my computer. I was worried she just didn’t get it. A week later a nondescript brown box arrived in the mail for her. I would know that discreet packaging anywhere. I guess she did get it after all.

One Response to “Spreading The Word About Adult Toys”

  1. Smitty says:

    Haha! Hilarious article, but really informative too. I never knew you could get a rubber ducky vibrator. It really is amazing what’s out there in terms of toys these days. People can go as wild and crazy or be as discreet as they want to be.

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