Tackling Bedroom Hang Ups

Some people are unabashedly uninhibited in the bedroom. They are comfortable and free with their bodies and very willing to explore their lovers. They fear asking for nothing, and are rarely left feeling unsatisfied. They are the lucky few. The truth is, most people have at least a few sexual hang ups. These little worries can cause a major dent in your sex life. Here are a few thoughts on tackling them.

Talking about your hang up is usually the first step to getting past it, for a few reasons. First of all, by giving voice to your worries, you are acknowledging they exist. You may have heard the old self-help mantra that “admitting the problem is the first step to recovery”, and in this case it’s absolutely true. The best person to have this talk with is probably the person you’re sleeping with. If embarrassment or worry keep you from talking to them about it, find someone else you trust. If that is still a bit to much to bear, have a one-sided conversation with yourself. Sometimes simply saying it out loud and talking through it on your own can provide some valuable insight. Remember, you are wiser than you think.

Make small steps. It’s a great thing to admit that you’re uncomfortable with your body, if that’s the truth, but your next step isn’t to jump right in and strip yourself totally naked in front of a new lover! For some, this approach works well, but for many it’s safer to ease off that bandage than it is to rip it off all at once. Make sure your partner understands that you need to move slowly as you work at getting over your hangups, and ask them to support you, not pressure you.

Don’t stress yourself out. Many of these steps are small, and they are going to take time. There is no harm in taking a break from pressing forward, and there is no shame in stopping if you feel uncomfortable. Remember that sex is meant to be fun. It should be a mutual expression of love and/or desire between you and your partner. If it only makes you feel uncomfortable or worried, then sex isn’t doing its job. Step back, take a break, catch your breath, look at the big picture. Don’t worry. Let go and be in the moment.

There are a few cases where telling yourself to chill out may not be enough. Some sexual hangups may relate to medical problems or past trauma. As always, don’t feel guilty or weird seeking outside help for a problem that feels too big to tackle. The right doctor or therapist may be able to pinpoint the source of your hang ups and help you move past them. It may feel awkward asking someone else for help with your sex life, but the amount of relief you’ll feel afterward is well worth it.

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